


The End is Where We Begin

by Sharkseye



Series: Lets Try This Again... [23]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Bad Coping Habits, Dean is Lucifer, M/M, Recreational Drug Use, Sappy Endings, Suicidal Thoughts, kinda a vessel!fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-04
Updated: 2013-05-13
Packaged: 2017-12-10 10:01:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,624
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/784792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sharkseye/pseuds/Sharkseye
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So after millennia stuck in a cage and then barely a human lifetime on earth, Lucifer is once again trapped in a cage.  Granted, this time it smells like cedar, is really big, and has trees, but it's still solitary confinement.  Oh yes, just freaking wonderful.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Finally! I'm sorry for posting this so late, I had unit tests this week in chemistry, physics and calculus, and then PRT's and essays in English, just so much homework. And then the story wouldn't write. It was all like, muhahaha! I shall not exist for you because I do not want to! But don't worry, I got this part to write. Not sure abut the second chapter, but I'll try.
> 
> Speaking of the second chapter, this is chapter one of the end of the whole 'Let's Try This Again...' series! Yippee! It's almost finished! Cas' POV-which'll take a long time to write, so don't expect it anytime soon, sorry-and then I can change the status of the series to finished.

_Swish, swish, swish, swish_

The noises always repeated as somewhere in the garden, those protective fire swords waved, never changing their tempo or pitch.  If Lucifer had been fully cogent in the first place, the noise they made probably would've driven him mad.  Then again, there were a lot of things in the garden that would've driven him mad.  The pain from wounds, the phantom crushing of a hand that was no longer there, the swishing of flaming swords, the death of his older brother at his own hands, take a pick.  Still, as he wasn't exactly paying attention to any of those irritants, he couldn't be bothered to care.  No, Lucifer wasn’t paying any attention to those mindless things, he was just curled up in the fetal position and staring endlessly into space, trying to think of anything but the gaping hole in his head.  He'd been proper mates with Cas for less than an earth day before entering the garden and having the bond disappear, but it felt like a crucial part of him was missing.  He knew that Cas was alive, but he had no idea how he was, what he was feeling, if he was injured, even how long had passed since he had last seen him.  Seconds, days, months, years…

Pulling his wings tighter around himself, Lucifer made a move as if to grab one to calm himself, but then froze as the stump that used to be his hand only uselessly tapped against the shadow and ice feathers.  Well, at least that was something else he could think about, Lucifer reflected, pulling his arm back to stare at the scorched and burnt skin.  It had been wrecked enough by Michael’s grace, holding the clock while it was opening up the garden had just been the last straw in the loss of limb.  His hand was missing and now just a branded stump healed up to right below where his wrist had been.  What sucked even more was that the grace that had filled that part of his vessel was gone too, leaving another yawning hole in his grace that would never heal.   Michael had gotten off worse, Lucifer reflected, his eyes unwillingly sliding to the side where he could see the non complete imprint of wings burnt into the ground, the vessel never decaying, just lying there with sightless eyes.  The clock had been pressed up against the back of Michael’s neck and had killed the older archangel during the cross over to the garden.  The arches of Michael’s wings that Lucifer had been pressed up against had burned themselves into Lucifer's forearms, an eternal reminder that he had killed his only older brother.  Done everything to not have to but, with a lovely piece of situational irony, had killed him anyways. 

Lucifer didn't know what had happened to the energy that Michael’s death had released, which was funny since it had been such a huge part of getting rid of him safely.  Since Cas was still alive, it could be deduced that the energy hadn't destroyed earth, but there was also no damage to the garden.  It didn’t matter really, but it _was_ another thing to distract himself with.  Lucifer was going to be here for the rest of his life, and unless he mustered up the energy to try and find Michael’s blade, that was going to be forever.  Exact same as his cage, just nicer scenery. 

Speaking of scenery, Lucifer decided maybe something had changed since the last time he had looked around, stiffly pushing his legs down and out before him, leaning back and feeling a brief moment of gratitude when he felt a tree still at his back.  Not that it really could’ve moved since he’d scrambled over to it, but, nice to know he wasn’t insane.  Lucifer remembered that the garden was full of life, but everything had avoided him since his arrival, knowing he shouldn’t be there and so giving him space he didn’t want.  Anyways, back to what the place looked like, there were tons of different plants for the different ecosystems spread out throughout the garden and Lucifer and Michael had just happened to land in an extinct one.  Or at least, Lucifer had never seen the plants around him when he was wandering about earth.  It was a forest-like place with deciduous trees that had thick and tough bark, a dark almost grey-blue color.  The leaves were huge and flat, each one easily the size of Lucifer’s torso.  Because of the lack of sunlight—or whatever the garden had that resembled sunlight—the floor was mostly barren of green plants, instead covered in lichens, mosses and mushrooms.  It really _smelled_ like something that was extinct, a musky scent with a hint of cedar.   Lucifer hadn’t exactly been in the best mind state when he had arrived, but from the numerous trails and the smell, bugs had lived here before he invaded their home.  Now it was just him and his dead brother.  Huh, maybe the garden around them would even die with the lack of mobile animals.  It’d be fitting, just another thing Lucifer wrecked. 

Drawn down that self-loathing path again, Lucifer allowed his eyes to close, folding his arms over his chest and breathing deeply to hold it for a few seconds before letting out the air.  He didn’t need to breath, yet it was nice, almost calming after all the time spent as a human.  This thought caused one corner of his mouth to quirk up in depressive mirth.  The equivalent of hundreds of years in heaven, millions of years stuck in his cage, thirty years as a human and now he was back in a cage.  Shit luck.  Seriously shit luck.

The reflection on luck reminded him of Cas and he grinned again at the thought of his mate, remembering one time when they had been up against a witch who cursed him for making a drinking comment about St Patrick’s day.  He still fucking hated witches, but that time had memorable, a non busy moment in the middle of the apocalypse when he had still been Dean and trying to stop himself from rising.  The curse had made it so that everything he said had been something about luck, gold, rainbows or leprechauns.  It all had the meaning of what he meant to say, just put in an Irish way—oh look, it rhymes!  So when Cas had showed up Lucifer had shouted out some Irish thing about blessings outweighing shamrocks and trouble avoiding Cas, a fluffy little thing that Lucifer wouldn’t have ever said in a million years.  He had debated committing suicide by smothering in pillows at Sam’s laughter, but Cas had just looked very focused and thanked him in that serious tone he had.  There had been an undercurrent of happiness in it that wouldn’t let Lucifer take the words back.  Cas was so completely awesome, this adorable little angel who made Lucifer want to turn in his man card and then just gather his mate up and cuddle.  Except, now he couldn’t.  He wouldn’t ever get the chance to see, laugh with, be amused by, fuck, or cuddle Cas ever again.  Yup, quite depressing.

 

It went on like that for even more of the immeasurable time that seemed to stretch along in the garden, Lucifer’s thoughts drifting back and forth, swinging wildly and then dashing back to their original lines.  Everything from his family to TV shows and plants to bees plodded its way through his head, each tangent slipping into his mind briefly before slipping away again, discarded until another vague connection was made.  To make up for it, Lucifer slept a lot, whenever he was able to.  The oblivion was beautiful, a wonderful but dangerous release from the jumble his mind had once again become.  Without any plots of escaping his cage and _with_ a weapon, Lucifer’s mind turned to that oblivion far more than was healthy, conspiring elaborate plans that consisted of little things like him stealing Michael’s sword and then letting his wings join his brothers in the ground.  The only reason he didn’t was because his wings were a part of Cas.  The only other part of Cas that Lucifer still had save the knowledge that his mate was still alive, that awareness tucked snuggly in the back of his mind. 

It was during one of these cravings for oblivion that something actually changed in this static confinement.  Lucifer had opened his eyes to look for Michael’s sword and had been staring at the sheen of reflected light in longing for perhaps hours before he noticed that something was different.  There was a man standing on the opposite side to Lucifer of Michael’s vessel, his head bowed and gazing sadly at the empty vessel and burnt wings.  It should’ve been earthshaking, a tremendous and paramount occasion, but Lucifer honestly couldn’t summon up the energy to react.  If this nondescript man wanted to be there then he was obviously insane.  No one should want to be in the garden when it took such pains to avoid them, especially when they looked so sad about being there.  Lucifer closed his eyes again.

And then they flew open again a short time later when the implications of there being someone else in the garden set in.  Lucifer sat up, pulling his legs towards himself and planting his hands on either side to push himself up.  An involuntary yelp escaped him as he was rudely reminded that oh wait, he no longer had two hands and putting his weight on the stump hurt because of the branded wings.  Due to this lack of foresight, Lucifer remained on the ground as he looked up at the man who, funnily enough, was now looking at Lucifer with a mix of sadness and fondness in his eyes.

It took two tries for Lucifer to speak.  Apparently even archangels can’t talk clearly after extended periods of silence.  “How are you here?”

The man didn’t reply for a few seconds.   He glanced at Michael once more before walking around the wings and sitting down next to Lucifer, mimicking the devil’s earlier position and letting out a small sigh of relief at the rest.  “I suppose because I have no reason not to be here.”

Lucifer snorted “No reason? How about the fact that it’s like a pretty fucking penitentiary in here?”

“Well how much of here have you seen?” The man asked, still with that doleful tone.

With a bitter chuckle, Lucifer waved his stump at the trees around him.  “Just Pandora here, thought it was nice enough.”

“You’d rather be back on earth.” Seriously, there was something about this guy that rubbed Lucifer wrong.  He felt incredibly guilty and he hadn’t even _done_ anything.  It wasn’t his fault that the garden was the only good place to trap Michael in. 

“Of course I’d rather be back there.” He spat, curling inwards and pulling his knees to his chest so that he could rest his chin on them and pointedly not look at any of the living—or once living—beings that he shared this little spot with. 

“Why? What’s there for you?” The man asked curiously

Lucifer just glared harder at the tree he had decided to focus on, not replying.  Who did this guy think he was, coming over and asking such personal questions.  A sad sigh and a rustling noise alerted Lucifer to the fact that this man could actually leave him, there wasn’t anything keeping _him_ there. With this uneasy revelation Lucifer’s mood took a 180O turn and he whipped around, reaching out and just stopping short of grabbing the man to keep him there, blurting out the first answer that had come to his head.  “Castiel”

The man stopped moving, raising an eyebrow to prompt Lucifer for more.  Funnily enough, it was names that came to Lucifer’s mind first and foremost and now that he had started talking he couldn’t seem to stop.  “Sam.  Paimon, Gabriel, Bobby.  Jo and Ellen.  Hell, at this point I’d go back just for the smell to change.”

“Your family.” The man nodded as if he’d been expecting this answer, and finally a smile broke across his face.  Just a slight one, but it was still there.  “You didn’t get along too well with your last one”

And maybe it was just either ‘let’s make unwanted comments’ day or Lucifer was becoming bipolar, but that comment really hurt.  “Ya, and what’s it to you?”

For the first time the man looked at Lucifer full on, the weight of his eyes causing Lucifer’s breath to catch in recognition.  Oh fuck.  And apparently this man—Father—did that annoying mind reading thing as much as Cas had back when Lucifer was Dean, because the smile widened at that thought.  “They’re all my family too”

“So what, you’ve been hanging around in here all this time? ‘Cause Zachy was sure confident that you weren’t in heaven” Lucifer asked  his Father acidly, completely thrown at this new development.

“I have been where I was needed and done what was necessary” Was the cryptic reply.  Really? That’s all he’s goi-oh wait.  Here’s some clarification. “If I had meddled would you have had free will?”

“You could’ve at least done something!” Lucifer retorted, knowing as he did so that his Dad could see through the mask and was guaranteed to know how scared Lucifer actually was by all this. 

“And a long time ago you could’ve chosen _not_ to do something.” Father reminded and Lucifer flinched, knowing exactly what He was talking about.  “You’ve told many people that you’ve changed.”

It was phrased like a statement but He seemed to be waiting for something, so Lucifer nodded shortly.  Of course he had changed.  You couldn’t just live a life as a human without adopting some morals and habits. Father’s smile had left, but it didn’t look like He was angry as He spread His arms to indicate the garden around them.  “This garden exists outside of time, it is both before you Fell and thousands of years after you arrived.  If you’ve really changed then here and now you have a chance to prove it by not Falling or bringing sin into the world.  I can take you back in time to fix your mistakes.”

The offer completely floored Lucifer and he squeezed his eyes shut, pushing his face down into his knees and wrapping his arms around his head.  Lucifer _had_ changed.  He really had.  Given that opportunity though, he supposed he really hadn’t.  When he answered his voice was barely a whisper.  “No.  I won’t”

This refusal caused silence to again reign over Lucifer’s little piece of the garden as he waited for Father to speak, to reprimand Lucifer or leave.  Thinking about it, maybe Father already had left, He’d be able to go without making a noise.  Still, it was a little while longer before Lucifer could summon up the courage to look at Him.  To his surprise, there wasn’t any negative emotion on his Dad’s face, just thoughtfulness.

“Why not?” Father asked, completely non-judgmental like His creation hadn’t just told Him that he wouldn’t prevent hardships, pain and suffering for billions upon billions of people.  There was no hesitation before Lucifer’s answer

“Because then I wouldn’t have any of them.  Because then I wouldn’t have a brother who I love so much that I willingly sold my soul for him, I wouldn’t have shadows in my wings, I wouldn’t ever have had such unconditional loyalty from another sibling who I turned into a _demon_.  Because I’m too fucking selfish to give it up.”  Desperate to say his part now before Father left, Lucifer continued.  “’Cause it wasn’t completely terrible.  People got choice out of it too! They got to have each other and all the shit that comes with life.  Re-quoting what I told Cas when I was still human; I'll take the pain and guilt over this paradise any day.   And I was human when I said that.  Completely one hundred percent surface dweller.  I know I wasn’t the only one who thought that.”

Lucifer cringed at how bad it sounded, but stayed unrepentant as he waited for his Dad to say something.  The God in question nodded slowly, turning away from Lucifer to tilt his head at Michael’s vessel.  His voice was soft when He spoke. “No, you weren’t the only one who thought that.”

After a few moments of no other retribution Lucifer spoke again, not able to stand the silence. “So?  What is the point of all this?”

Father smiled again, looking almost happy but still so tired.  “I haven’t spoken with you or Michael in many years, do I need a reason?”

“Ya, well, you sure aren’t speaking to Michael again, and I know you’re not too fond of me.” Lucifer retorted bitterly, reaching down and fiddling with his shoelace, secretly reveling in the fact that it was covered in mud from _earth_.

And the smile was gone again.  Maybe it was just a thing about the garden, no one could hold an emotional state for longer than a couple minutes at most.  It couldn’t be that Lucifer was talking to his Father, whom he had last seen after disobeying Him and being thrown down to the pit.  Definitely not that.   “I love all my children Lucifer, all my creations and though some of your choices disappoint me, that will always include you.”

Well. That’s just great, another turn about.  ‘Cause of course Father loves his disobedient, uncountable deaths causing and damaged son.  Who just killed Dad’s first born.  Once again Lucifer’s voice was reduced to a whisper.  “That still doesn’t explain why you’re here.”

“I’m here because when you were in the cage you didn’t miss anything.  You pined for freedom, but there was nothing and no one out there that you missed solely for what or who they were.”  Father replied.  “This time you do.”

“Well so what, it’s not like I can go back to any of them” Lucifer hissed childishly.  This time when silence descended he didn’t try and break it, stubbornly continuing to pick at the shoelace.  All things considered, that was probably what Father had meant to happen, given that it was enough time for Lucifer to think things over. 

Lucifer hadn’t been lying in what he had written to Sam, Father could go in and out of the garden.  And maybe, just maybe, if Lucifer actually asked, threw away all his pride and took that chance, Lucifer might be able to see his human brother and his mate again.  Lucifer had clung to his pride regarding his Dad for so long that he wasn’t too sure he’d be able to let it go.  But still, if there was a possibility that Father might say yes, might take him back to earth, Lucifer couldn’t _not_ ask for it.  It’d be really incredibly disappointing if Father said no, but he had said he loved Lucifer.  A big part of loving someone was wanting them to be happy and Lucifer was absolutely not happy here. 

“I wouldn’t change what I’ve done but I miss all of them and I need to go back to my family.  You could let me out, take me back” Lucifer blurted out finally, squeezing his eyes shut.  “You can get in and out of here whenever you want and I know you can take me with you.  I’ll do anything to get back, just please, _please_ let me go home!”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so this is the end, 80 000 words longer than I thought it would be when I came up with the idea. Once again, thank you to everyone who stuck with me through my terrible posting habits and such, I hope it was at least partially worth your while
> 
> Just as a note, I'm not sure that this turned out the way I wanted it to. I tried to fit in everything, but if there's anything I missed that needs to be cleared up, or random things that you just want to see, comment and let me know. 
> 
> Once again, thanks for reading and enjoy.

Using earth’s timing, it had been five months, one week and three days since Castiel had last seen his mate. 

Not that it mattered anymore, or that it really ever had.  But, useless as it was, Castiel still kept the count.   Without even thinking he followed it unfailingly, every morning another day would be added, and then at night it would be checked once again, the amount repeated for memory’s sake.  Throughout the day, not a word would be said related to his loss, it would be pushed to the back of his mind and ignored.  Castiel had gotten extremely good at the art of avoidance that Dean had always excelled in.  Perhaps for a human the whole numbness stage that set in after shock and grief would’ve been over by now, but for an angel who would live until forever unless he reached a violent end, it hadn’t eased one bit.  Castiel lived through the numbness—he couldn’t just stop, there were far too many angels depending on him—but he had only done so by throwing his mind to other things, his garrison, the demon garrisons he had been given, and at one point, human chemicals.  

Gabriel had reluctantly taken charge of heaven and told Castiel that as soon as the seraph was ready, he could have it because Gabriel really didn’t want that kind of responsibility.  At the time Castiel had only agree to make the archangel happy, but as more time passed he found that he was actually leaning towards the idea.  Being in charge of heaven would leave little time for the human emotions that Castiel shouldn’t even have to crash down on him.

For the first month after Lucifer had disappeared with his older brother, Castiel had spent his time grieving silently, hoping and praying that his mate would come back to him, would somehow find a way to do the impossible.  Once the realization that Lucifer was actually _gone,_ and gone for good set in, Castiel had thrown himself back into life with vigor, constantly working with his garrison, his friends, doing everything he could short to pass time short of taking over heaven.  Rachael, Sam and Balthazar had all been extremely concerned for him in the beginning though none of them truly knew what it was like to lose a bond mate, or even have one in the first place. 

Most of his garrison had left well enough alone, but Balthazar had tried to get him drunk and Rachel had made it her mission to look out for him, worrying until Castiel pulled up a mask of normality.  Sam—who had taken up hunting and calling Gabriel at random times for not actually needed backup—had made a point of calling Castiel to earth, usually just to hang out or do something ‘normal’.  As the seraph had only ever been Dean’s angel and hadn’t had much to do with the boy with demon blood, these outings were extremely awkward and had ended quickly.  Now whenever Sam saw Castiel he just started looking really sad, even without knowing about Castiel’s drug phase.  Castiel knew why and it coincided with his previous point, he hadn’t actually read the hunters mind, but knew that Sam associated Castiel with his brother, even more so after learning that they had been essentially angel married.  This thought never hesitated to push Castiel back into a gloomy mood and he glanced down as his hand. Curling his thumb upwards, Castiel spun the silver ring his mate had given him around a couple times, the metal wrapped around the same finger Lucifer had worn it on. 

None of the others knew what Lucifer had written to him about the whole human marriage thing, but then again everyone who had gotten a letter from Lucifer had kept it private, though Paimon had ripped off the bottom of his because it explained about Meg.  The archdemon had probably been the most helpful to Castiel as he dealt with the crushing loneliness, both in giving him something to do and stopping him from getting too far into something he’d regret.  One day the archdemon had shown up, noticed how insane Castiel was going when he didn’t have anything to do and casually mentioned that he had a couple garrisons that he wanted an angel to help with the training, saying a particular white eye under his command had mentioned Castiel at one point.  Which was basically how the seraph found himself in change of one garrison of angels and ten of demons.  It was probably the only thing that made Castiel happy now, kept him so busy that moments like the one he was in currently—where he didn’t have anything to do—were few and far in-between. 

Castiel had tried to fill those times when he was alone with drugs for about a month, around four months into Lucifer’s absence and Castiel was stuck remembering how when Dean had been in hell for four months—forty years—Castiel had actually been able to be useful, to go and pull him out.  It had been soon after Balthazar tried to get him drunk, they had gone to an actual bar at first and Castiel had noticed a human with dilated pupils and the oddest mix of depression and elation permeating the air around her.  He had forgotten about it for a while, but eventually had gone back and discovered the lovely spectrums of heroin, ecstasy, and hard drugs.   Being an angel meant that he needed a lot for it to actually do anything, but Castiel had quickly figured out the right dosages and the right way to pull back his grace in order for the mind numbing bliss to set in.  It had been wonderful, being able to tune out from the word and just melt into motionlessness around people or alone.  Nothing mattered, and Castiel had loved it.  

At the end of the third week of using mixed drugs and disregarding all of his other duties, Paimon had found Castiel as high as a kite, completely out of it and counting stars in the middle of nowhere.  Castiel hadn’t understood why the archdemon looked so distressed until Paimon forced a memory into the seraphs head.  It was actually about Lucifer, mixed with a few memories that the archangel himself had given Paimon, and it thoroughly drove home the devastation Lucifer had felt over an alternate future Castiel succumbing to drugs.  How upset Lucifer would be if he knew what Castiel was doing to himself then.  Paimon had proceeded stayed the night with Castiel, just close enough to feed his tactile nature and stop Castiel from feeling so damn alone.  That was the last time Castiel had touched drugs, and also when he gained more of an appreciation for humans coming off of them.  As an angel he had gone through only two days of the worst withdrawal and since it had been so recent and he had been actually mixing drugs, was still occasionally feeling signs of it now.  After that he had decided that humans who went cold turkey must be either insane or insanely dedicated.  Castiel didn’t know how long it’d last, but the following days up to and including the current one were drug free, the only memory of them track marks that he’d been too out of it to heal before they scarred and the sporadic urge to disconnect from everything for just a moment.

 

On this particular day Castiel had flown to a familiar set of cliffs overlooking the sea, and was now sitting and dangling his legs over the edge as he watched the sun rise.  It would be a cloudy day, but some of the fog was dissipating.  This was the only place Castiel had visited more than once in his time off, usually he would just fly randomly for a little bit before stopping and landing wherever looked nice.  This particular cliff had a small family of sandpipers below it and the birds made for wonderful conversationalists, if only because they gave him a short period of time reminiscent to the drugs, to their lack of caring.  They didn’t know that Castiel’s mate was trapped and they would never see each other again, they didn’t know that Castiel couldn’t be alone with his thoughts or else he’d curl up in a ball from the emotional agony he shouldn’t even have, that didn’t know that the angel still wanted the mindlessness that came with abusing human substances, they didn’t know how close their world had come to ending.  They just asked him where the most edible things were, chatted for a while about the sun and then left, racing around on the sand and running from the water, oblivious to the world at large.  Currently none of the birds were awake yet, but Castiel had no problem waiting for the little pockets of disconnection they brought with them. 

So for now he just sat and tried to deal with being alone.  Only two of his garrisons were dispersed and the rest all had jobs that would take their time for at least another day.   He would only have to survive without thinking about Lucifer for a little while longer until the birds woke up.  He wondered cynically if this time he would actually manage it. 

 The sudden fluttering of wings shocked Castiel out of his musings, as he hadn’t actually felt anyone arriving.  Frowning, the seraph looked back and froze when he saw the newcomer.  This was _definitely_ not possible, Castiel shrieked internally, urgently shoving away the hope that had traitorously sprung up.  Everyone had assured him that it wasn’t possible including the archangel the newcomer was posing as.  Even Sam had stopped looking for loopholes after getting into a huge fight with Gabriel about wasting his life and not listening to whatever Lucifer had written to him.  Castiel knew what Lucifer had written, which made this newcomer so much more of an impossibility. 

“Hey Cas” The newcomer grinned, and Castiel flinched at how much he sounded like Cas’ mate.

“What are you?” Castiel asked, the obsidian blade Lucifer had left behind sliding into his palm as he stood up.  Castiel’s own blade was in hell, in the property Lucifer had given him. 

The newcomer—hallucination, imposter, delusion—looked surprised at the sword, but then broke into a grin as if he couldn’t stop it.  “Cas, it’s me, I got out”

Castiel shook his head, eyes narrowed. “No, you left no doubt that you would never be able to get out, so again, what are you?”

Any emotion the newcomer might’ve had was unreadable under the joy as his eyes darted greedily across Cas’ face like he’d never get enough.  He took a step closer to the seraph “I didn’t think I ever would get out, but Father came, He let me out.”

“Father was in the garden?” Castiel asked, trying not to let the hand gripping the sword falter at this surprising news

“Father came to the garden to talk to me” the newcomer corrected “I don’t think He was there the whole time.  Cas, it’s really me!  Listen, I don’t know how to reconnect our bond, but, just, let me try,”

Wings unfurled from the newcomers back and Castiel’s breath caught as the largest pair of shadow and ice wings stretched out towards him, a clear request that he desperately wanted to answer, able only to still his own wings but not to stop them from completely unfolding.  Instead, he forced himself to ask one more question.  “What about Michael?”

That question got the newcomer to flinch, but he kept his wings outstretched, lifting up his hands and smiling self-deprecatory. “Michael’s dead”

Castiel’s head tilted to the side in surprise as he caught sight of the other’s hands, or rather, hand.  His right hand was completely missing and the arches of wings were burned into the skin up to his elbows.  The newcomer took another step forward and Castiel’s eyes flickered away from the brands.  Cautiously, he raised his wings, stretching them out and letting them brush against the newcomers.  The instant their feathers touched renewed awareness flooded through Castiel and he gasped, barely managing to sheath his sword as the newcomer—Lucifer!  It was actually Lucifer!—threw himself forward and gathered the seraph to him like a favorite toy, chanting Cas’ name under his breath like a mantra. 

“Lucifer” Castiel breathed in awe, letting Lucifer’s wings fold over his own and returning the hug that was more like frenzied clinging than any soft form of comfort.  Shoving his face into Lucifer’s neck, Castiel breathed the archangel in as Lucifer pulled him tighter like he was trying to merge with him.  Lucifer’s stump felt weird where it rested against Castiel’s wing bone, but it didn’t matter.  Nothing mattered except that he had his mate back, maybe harmed but at least alive.  And Father had been the one to bring him back.  In his head Castiel threw prayers of endless thanks and praise for this gift of his returned mate. 

Still repeating Cas’ name, Lucifer gripped Castiel’s hair to pull the seraph back so he could claim his lips, the kiss harsh but life-affirming.  Castiel pushed his wings into Lucifer’s, letting them mesh together and then holding them there.  Not as a prelude to anything, but a promise of _more_.  Because there could be more now, because Lucifer was back with Castiel, was home to stay. 

“You are back permanently.”  Castiel stated the thought aloud, it could have been a question but was phrased as a demand.  Castiel had never imagined he’d be the mate of any archangel, especially Lucifer, but no one was going to take him away from Castiel now that he had him back.  “If you ever plan to do something like that again you’re telling me so that I can go with you.”

Lucifer had the audacity to look fondly surprised at this order, one side of his mouth curving up as he asked, “You sure you want to ask that? ‘Cause I have a pretty good history of getting stuck in cages”

“It wasn’t a question.  You are not leaving me again” Castiel replied and narrowed his eyes, his hands tightening around the back of Lucifer’s neck.  He may be submissive more often than not in their relationship, but he was _not_ going to be left behind again.  Ever again.  Even if it took guilt tripping and manipulation, it was not going to happen.

A mix of amusement and awe appeared on Lucifer’s face and he finally agreed, leaning down to chastely kiss Castiel before responding.  “Alright, I won’t”

Castiel hummed in agreement, leaning down and pressing his face back into Lucifer’s neck.  He could feel Lucifer running his hands all over Castiel as if checking to make sure he was there, and was reminded of the stump.  “What happened to your hand?”

“Huh? Oh, that.  Pretty much everything” The last part was said with a laugh and Castiel tilted his head to the side, leaning it on Lucifer’s shoulder as he gazed questioningly at his mate, who, with that prompting continued.  “Michael cut it, I burnt it in his grace and then the clock did it’s exploding this or whatever while I was holding it. 

Here Lucifer’s tone sobered and he looked at Castiel like he was lost.  “That’s what happened to Michael.  I was holding the clock against his neck and it killed him.  I didn’t mean to kill him”

“It’s okay” Castiel assured belatedly, aware that this was one of the times that people were supposed to lie for comfort.  He knew Lucifer had little problem with killing his angelic brethren if the situation called for it, and from what Castiel had deduced he had no qualms about torturing Raphael for Castiel, but this was completely different.  Killing Michael must’ve been like killing Sam would be. “You weren’t aware that that would kill him.” 

Lucifer was clearly still troubled about that, but let it rest, going back to re-exploring Castiel. 

The seraph didn’t know how long they’d been standing there and just breathing each other in, but it must’ve been hours because before he knew it there were small ‘ _weet’_ sounds coming from the sand below them.  The noises were clearly demanding and in response to his automatic tensing for movement he could feel Lucifer soundlessly laughing. 

“So Cas, made some new friends in my absence?”  Lucifer asked lightly, his eyes shining.

“I’m not sure that I would consider them friends.  I often help them to find food, but we rarely have any interactions outside of that.” Castiel corrected, not able to tell Lucifer that the only ‘friends’ he had made in the archangels absence had been during a short stint of drug usage.  From the fond smile of Lucifer’s face, it looked like not only did Castiel not need to share that much information, he also didn’t need to ever let Lucifer know about the drugs.  Knowing he wasn’t adept at lying and still clinging to Lucifer, Castiel flew them both down to the sand as a personal distraction.

Lucifer’s start was barely there, but Castiel caught it along with the quiet grumble.  “And here I thought that would go away when I became an angel.  You could ask you know”

“Why would it go away? Just because you’re an angel doesn’t mean I can’t fly you places” Castiel asked in confusion.  The resulting laughter let him know that he also hadn’t needed to respond to this either.  And here Castiel had thought that he was getting better at human interactions. 

“I love you Cas” Lucifer murmured as he pulled away, still resolutely holding onto Castiel with his good hand as he turned to look at the sandpipers.  Castiel smiled at the concentrated look on his mates face as Lucifer spoke to the birds and largely gestured.  “Well hello there.  I don’t know what you eat, but there are some fish that-a-ways”

The sandpipers weeted a few more times, confused at the presence of a second angel, but eventually scurried off, chirping amongst themselves.  Lucifer laughed at their antics and Castiel smiled broadly, uncaring except for the extreme happiness from having his mate back here with him.  He could feel the contentment rolling off Lucifer in waves and knew he was mirroring it with his own. 

“I love you too Lucifer” Castiel replied to Lucifer’s previous remark, getting an uninhibited grin of delight in return. 

Casitel slid his hand into Lucifer’s, twining his fingers with the archangels and enjoying the confirmation of life found in the reciprocated contact.  It still wasn’t close enough, so Castiel stealthily merged his wings with and underneath the others, pressing up against his mate’s side.  From the way Lucifer’s wings curled over Castiel’s back and how the seraph became the sudden focus of Lucifer’s green gaze, his mate was noticing Castiel’s clinginess and not even trying to act like it was unrequited.  Castile had no idea how this would all work out, with Lucifer having been ‘dead’ for so long, in hell alone there’d be tons of problems with management and ranking, not even touching on the rest of the lives that had been so affected by loss and had been forced to rebuild.  Castiel and Lucifer would have to work subtly and/or violently around many demons and angels for whom Lucifer being trapped in the garden and Father letting him out wouldn’t be good enough of a reason or explanation for the events that had passed.  Castiel knew he wouldn’t be able to hide his drug usage for long either, eventually Lucifer would find out and a really hard and emotional conversation was bound to follow.  All in all there was going to be a lot of stuff and people to fix, ones that turned out wrong and those that didn’t even work in the first place.  But for now it was perfect because Castiel had his mate, alive and with him.

And that?  That would _always_ be enough.


End file.
